Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you had me at cake vodka
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
