Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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