im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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