And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
