Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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