Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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