U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
