Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
cat food counts as protein by the way
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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