Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and she was petting her beer can
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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