last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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