so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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