I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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