I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
