Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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