Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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