Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
