Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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