You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
