It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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