So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
