Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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