Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
