Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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