I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
