I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
