I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to cum in my sink.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
