Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
