Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
