I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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