I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
