If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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