i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I die, sorry about rent.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
