I love having hate sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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