Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh god it's open bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
