I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
