just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
