someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
