Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
