maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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