a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
