Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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