she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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