were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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