I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
