You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
