its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
