I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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