I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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