What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
