i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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