i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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